Can't decide on a title...
Kerin -
Monday, March 8, 2010 - 20:39
Where do I start. So many thoughts that I just don't know how to begin.
God is at work in my life, and He loves me more than anyone else could. He's patient with me, even when I'm so terribly stubborn and don't want to learn more about being like Christ. He has my very best at heart, and knows exactly what I need, even if I don't think I need it.
I've had to revisit the post from last year, and remind myself of everything I believe.
I'm pregnant. I don't want to be. Not at all. This is the third year in a row that I've been pregnant, and the same time of year. Which means I felt crummy for my birthday, again. I'll be going to the beach pregnant, again. I'll be wearing the same maternity clothes for the THIRD summer in a row.
Oh, and not to mention that we're in the midst of preparing our new house to live in, try and find a renter for the house we're leaving, and packing up and moving out in a week or two.
I so don't want to be pregnant. Not now. Not for a while.
And yes, we know how it happens.
But, we've chosen to let the Lord have control of the size of our family. This is not easy, especially for me. I'm the one who probably gets affected the most. I believe God designed the woman's body to function a certain way during the child bearing years to give her rest and spacing between children. But for some reason, God has decided to "break the rules" with me. We're not irresponsible. We truly believe that God knows what is best. He is the giver and taker of life. But don't think I have tons of faith to believe this. I don't. Sometimes it's a battle each day.
So God is kindly working in my heart. Keeping me at the end of my rope, so I have no choice but to rely on Him for everything. And He is my everything. Why should I begrudge letting Him work in my life for my good, and for His kingdom?
We can't take anything with us to heaven but our children and those we've led to the Lord. And God himself calls children a reward. Do I want to limit the rewards God wants to give me, and then in turn have less to offer to Him?
This little child within me has a special purpose. If it were up to me, he/she wouldn't be here yet. But God has a bigger and better plan than mine.
Baby #4 is due September 29th... only 24 days after Bethany turns 1 year.
Pray for me. Pray that I would daily be yielded to the Lord. That I would be very grateful, and have a special joy. That I would be courageous with the Lord's strength and help, and care for my family as I aught. Pray that I would not complain.
I'm grateful for the support of our families, our church, and most of all my precious husband. His care and love are something I could not do without. And he's working so hard in many things right now -- work, work at the new house, being an awesome daddy and hubby, and countless other things that come up and fill his time to the max.
Physically I'm not as bad off as I was with my last pregnancy. I don't know if that's because I'm taking some medication to help with nausea, or if this one is just different. My energy level is quite zapped, motivation is extremely low, and I still don't feel great (cooking/eating isn't fun, but I can do it).
Forgive me for rambling.
May God be glorified in my life, and may I truly learn to say "not my will, but Your's, Lord."
Kerin, I was just online
Rachel Faudree (not verified) -
Monday, March 29, 2010 - 13:43
Kerin,
I was just online catching up with old acquaintances and stopped by your website to see how your family was doing. My, you are a blessed mother and wife, but you must be so overwhelmed right now! I was glad to see that you have other women who can offer sound advice, love, and sympathy because they know what it's like. I certainly do not have the privilege of sharing that just yet. However, on my side of things as a young woman who is 33 days away from marriage, the Lord used your post as an encouragement and example to me. Just this morning I was contemplating and praying about the reward of having children and how to trust the Lord in regards to the size of your family. Purposing to follow God's Word concerning your children is certainly honoring and pleasing to Him and stands against modern wisdom, but that doesn't mean that it makes everything else easy because you have rejected wrong thinking. It still means that you must trust Him whether your family is larger much sooner than you would have anticipated, or it means trusting Him if He does not bring you children for a time or at all. You are a wonderful example to me of trusting the Lord, whether it is easy or not, and living out your faith and beliefs in this area of womanhood.
I have rejoiced to see your family become established and to grow! Likewise, I am eager to see what the Lord will do in your family as you make this move to a new household. I know we are barely acquainted, but I've wondered if there is anything I might do to help you at some point. Once we received your new home address, I realized that Lord willing, my husband and I will be living off of the same highway about 50 minutes away here in VA come May. Regardless of all of that, I do thank you for your honesty, the sharing of this part of your life, and your testimony of trusting the Lord in these circumstances. You will be in my prayers!
In Him,
Rachel Faudree
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Hi, dear Kerin
Anonymous (not verified) -
Tuesday, March 9, 2010 - 15:43
Ah, Dear, where do I start to say how my heart goes out to you!? I gave birth to my 4th sweet baby, Riley, in January. My oldest turned 4 in October. I soooo understand where you are coming from! First of all, CONGRATULATIONS!! It is so hard to want that little one, but to not want to go through the overwhelming feelings of being pregnant. Isn't morning sickness/exhaustion the worst? (I'll be praying that this is the easiest pregnancy yet for you!!)
For me, this pregnancy was the hardest and then to compound it all, he was a month early, was my hardest birth (he ended up with a broken collar bone!), spent 4 days in the NICU, and has already been back in the hospital for pneumonia. Whew, just writing it all makes me tired! But, knowing that He planned every single day made it easier for me to get through this last year. I saw this quote at some point in the last months and just today found it again. Maybe it will encourage you, too, "Pregnancy is like a burning bush, in that, it causes us to stop and pay attention. God is using this fertile time to not only grow a baby, but also your soul." Jennifer Vanderlaan I know you know this, but sometimes it is so hard to hold on to when you just want to sleep, but you have other little ones that need you to be Mommy.
Anyway, I'm kinda rambling, but wanted you to know you aren't alone. I TOTALLY know all the conflicting feelings, the hard times, etc. I also know how hard it can be to share those things when others think that you are crazy and "should just not have any more for a while!". Hugs, my friend! You're in my prayers!!
(Oh, yeah, I didn't mean to leave this as a comment, but just didn't have your e-mail so didn't know how else to send it to you.)
Love in Him,
Terri
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Kerin, my heart goes out to
Faith (not verified) -
Tuesday, March 9, 2010 - 14:03
Kerin, my heart goes out to you. It seems so recent that we were visiting together at the midwife's office... and the Lord has chosen to bless you with another new life! I can't exactly relate to you, but we do seem to have similar struggles with early pregnancy, so in that I can certainly sympathize and cheer you on. You are incredible... and I'm blessed to know you.
Jessica C. and I have had such lengthy discussions on the topic of trusting the Lord in regards to family size. It sounds so great to say... but is such a difficult thing to live out when the rubber hits the road. Know that you are running your race with perseverance and fix your eyes on the end goal of "well done, good and faithful servant". We will be praying extra doses of grace are felt by you.
If it would serve you, I'd love to bring a meal out.
Grace - and joy - be yours!
Faith S.
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YAY
Janice (not verified) -
Monday, March 8, 2010 - 21:31
Praying for you...can't imagine how hard this must be...but still rejoicing with you because I do love babies!!
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Hey Kerin, Praying for you
Hey Kerin,
Praying for you guys as you adjust to the move, chaotic days and a new baby... just wanted to encourage you that God does have a plan... and praise Him and rejoice in the fact that you are on this side of the fence and not the other side... the desire to have children and not being able to conceive.
Each day is the Lord molding you and shaping you into the vessel that He will be used for His glory! :) Love you!