From our family to you, we wish you a wonderful Christmas, full of time spent with loved ones and remembering Jesus -- the real reason for celebrating every day!

This is our journey with the Lord. Yours might look similar. Yours might look completely different. We're called to follow after Christ, and that doesn't look the same for everyone.

Before I married, I wanted to “have as many children as the Lord would bless me with.” The only form of child spacing I believed in was nursing. As we prepared for marriage, Josh and I talked about how we would let the Lord decide the timing and size of our family.

Our first born was born a little over a year after we were married, and we were quite happy to be parents. Abbi was five months old when my fertility returned. I didn't get it. I was nursing all the time, through the night, and she was sleeping with us. (I know this is not for everyone, but I really love nursing my babies this way!) What was wrong with the way God designed my body to work? I was quite scared of becoming pregnant so soon, still taking care of a baby. So Josh and I prayed. We simply asked the Lord to give us at least a year with just Abbi. And that's all we did. A little over a month after Abbi turned one, our second daughter, Rachel, was conceived!

When Rachel was three months old, my fertility again returned. Two months sooner than with Abbi? What is wrong with my body?! I was freaking out. Josh was concerned for me, and without my knowledge, he looked into natural family planning (NFP). When he came to me with this, I felt so loved and protected. So we gave it a shot. A little more than nine months later, Bethany was born.

After Bethany, we were intent on putting some space between pregnancies. However, we had no clue if my fertility was back or not. I had some on and off spotting for a few months after she was born. So while we tried to watch things according to the NFP way, the beginning of 2010 found me feeling yucky, and a pregnancy test confirmed that Hannah was on the way.

I was upset. Very upset. I'm not sure I've ever cried that much before (though maybe pregnancy hormones contributed to that). And then I was feeling guilty. Guilty for not wanting to be pregnant... I was just as bad as someone who wanted an abortion! My mom gently comforted me and helped me see that wasn't true. It wasn't the baby I didn't want, I just didn't want to be pregnant.

I didn't have a very good attitude during Hannah's pregnancy. I should have been more grateful. My pregnancies have been very good, considering what some women go through. And I have relatively easy and fast labors. But I was tired and my body was tired of being pregnant. So I read up lots and studied how exactly to do NFP. This was not going to happen again. I wanted to be happy to be pregnant again.

Well, Hannah came, and we didn't let a pregnancy happen. I wasn't sure of my fertility, because again I had some strange on and off spotting for a few months after Hannah was born. When she was six months old, my fertility returned. And the Lord was working in our hearts. We weren't feeling comfortable with our decision to prevent pregnancy, and several sermons, things we were reading, and conversations with friends, were leading us to rethink the matter. (None of the sermons, readings, or conversations were specifically about childbearing, but more on faith and trust in the Lord, and letting Him have control of our lives for His glory)

One evening, with many tears on my part, we talked it through. And as we talked it through, I realized more and more how selfish I am. While I was always saying “we want as many children as the Lord gives us,” I was really adding on to that “so long as they're spaced nicely.” I also realized my precious husband was feeling uneasy with our decision because he didn't want to be past the childbearing years and have regrets that we prevented the Lord from blessing us. His word says children are a blessing and reward. Each time we receive a little one (however the little one is sent) in the Lord's name, we're actually receiving Jesus!

And it really came down to that for us. Were we going to trust what the Lord says in His word? Can He be completely trusted, in every area of our life? So we prayed that the Lord would give us at least a year before we were blessed with another child. I also asked the Lord to give me what He wanted for me, and to help me accept and be grateful for that no matter what. Having children, giving up my body, is one thing I can do for the Lord. It's not easy, and I'm so selfish. But He gave of His all for me, why can't I give of my all? And I can't bear children forever, this is only a season that will be gone sooner than I know, and I don't want to have regrets.

I also asked friends to pray with me, that the Lord would grant us space, but ultimately joy and peace in whatever His will was for us. I'm so thankful for these women, and their commitment to pray for me. Each month the Lord drew me closer in a walk of faith. Would I be content and at peace for whatever His will was? And as each month went by, I thanked the Lord for the space He had given us so far, and asked for grace and peace for each new day.

One thing I specifically was praying for was the ability to completely love my husband, not holding myself back in any way. Praise the Lord, He has given us such sweet times together, and I am able to give myself freely.

Hannah turned one year old last month, and the night before her big day we found out she is a big sister! I am completely at peace, and so grateful for the Lord's work in my life. There were a couple other things that I was praying for, and they've been answered. I didn't want to be pregnant again in the summer, and I wanted a spring baby – Baby is due end of May/beginning of June.

So the journey continues. Our journey with the Lord. He has perfect plans for us, and I'm excited to see how they continue to play out as we trust Him with our lives.

Excerpted from Voddie Baucham's excellent book Family Driven Faith. I've been reading it this week. I highly recommend it.

When I was telling Josh it's been over two months since we last blogged, he said "We've been busy." Quite true. :-) Keeping up with four little ones, a home with lots of projects, and just life in general keeps us quite busy. But we're grateful.

Hannah is three months old today (and I haven't taken her picture yet). She's such a happy baby, another thing we're grateful for. She's battling her fourth cold of the season, and still super smiley.

One thing of note -- the end of October Abbi was the flower girl for a dear friend's wedding. Abbi loves weddings, and when she was asked to be the flower girl, she was quite excited and said "And I will not be shy!" She did a super job!

Well, here it is Christmas Eve... so, Merry Christmas, from our family to you!

More Pictures
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Our Abbi-doll is 4 years old! We celebrated her birthday with both our families this past weekend. No doubt Abbi is loved much by all. :-)

We're so grateful for our firstborn daughter. She's growing up fast, and sometimes it's hard to keep up with her. She's a great big sister (most of the time), and loves to hold baby Hannah. Abbi is our thinker, always thinking about and processing things, then explaining it all to us. I love to see her imagination at work -- making a "car" out of the little chairs and "driving" places, playing house with her Duplos and little people, caring for her doll, or cooking up a meal in her play kitchen.

The end of the month Abbi will be a flower girl for a dear friend's wedding. She's SO excited about this, wanting us to tell practically everyone we meet that she's going to be a flower girl. :-) She loves weddings, and excitedly talks about the day when she'll get to wear a pretty white dress and a special man will "marry her up." We pray she will grow up to be a woman perfectly suited to be that special man's helper!

And in a couple days Hannah will be 2 weeks old. So far she seems to be a pretty content and happy baby -- she only cries when she has a bubble in her tummy.

More Pictures
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More Pictures of Hannah
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Hannah Lynn arrived on Friday, September 24th, at 3:18pm. She was 8lbs 1oz, and 21 1/2 inches long. Big girl! About a pound heavier than my other girls -- so *that's* why I was feeling so uncomfortable!

The Lord answered our prayers for a safe and fast delivery, and that we'd make it to the birthing inn in time. I was experiencing labor contractions 2 1/2 days prior to Hannah's birth, which was a bit different than my other labors. The thing was they weren't really getting any closer together, just a bit stronger each day. By Friday morning I was quite uncomfortable, and we decided to go to the midwives office and get checked. I was 7-8 cm dilated, and Paula said "You're having that baby today -- all we have to do is break your water to get things moving." With my history of fast labors once things really get moving, she knew it was best to just send me over to the birthing inn. I'm so grateful for God's hand in all of this! We drove across the street to the birthing inn, and got settled there. We decided to wait till my mom and sisters arrived to break my water (since they missed the last two births!). At 2:15 Paula broke my water. The contractions picked up a bit in intensity and got closer together, but still not overwhelming. They actually didn't become overwhelming till shortly before I started pushing. I'm so grateful for this! Pushing Hannah out didn't really take that long, but it sure seemed like it to me. But out she came at 3:18 and I'm so glad to be on the other side!

We're all doing well, and the other girls adore their new sister. I have to keep reminding myself that Hannah isn't even a week old yet, and I will get my strength and energy back, the house will be in order again, and things will return to a new "normal." So I'm concentrating on being grateful, so very grateful, to not be uncomfortable anymore. Of course, I would appreciate prayers as we all adjust and find the new normal for our family.

I'm also grateful for both our families -- sure don't know what I'd do without their help!

And now for a few pictures...

More Pictures of Hannah
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We celebrated Bethany's 1st birthday last week with both our families. Amazing that she is a year old already. She's a delight to us all, and we're having fun watching her grow. She shows a particular affection for her daddy, and never likes to miss out on what the sisters are doing. Pray for us as we train her in the ways of the Lord!

On the 10th we celebrated 5 years of marriage. Where has the time gone? Seems like yesterday, and yet forever. I'm so grateful for such a wonderful husband. How kind of the Lord to give me something far better than I deserve!

Since Hannah is due pretty soon, Josh actually took me out to dinner last weekend. On our actual anniversary, we got to spend a few hours in the middle of the day just hanging out, wandering around a small town after a yummy lunch at quaint coffee shop. Hopefully in the next coming months we might be able to go on a small trip somewhere, but even if not, I'm grateful to have as much time with Josh as I can.

Thank you for all your prayers in regards to the end of this pregnancy. Most days are good, but I'm having more bad days than I like. I think the "end of pregnancy hormones" are really strong this time around, as I've had quite a bit of anxiety over labor/delivery. So keep the prayers coming! That I can sleep good, relax, and let my body do what God created it to do!

Bethany was smiling as we all sang Happy Birthday (the grandparents, aunts & uncles included, so it was quite loud!)

Big sister helps her eat -- she wasn't expecting something so cold!

Just over 37 weeks -- so happy cause I was with my man!

End of August to September
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Our little Punky turned two last week. We're so grateful for her! She had a wonderful birthday, and was showered with lots of love.

I got caught up on adding pictures to our image galleries, so click the link below to see all the pictures since May.

Bethany is walking! She officially started taking steps just days before she turned 11 months. What fun it is to watch her grow and learn.

We have 5 1/2 weeks till Hannah's due date. Though I'm really praying she's early, as I'm feeling quite uncomfortable, I'm not going to plan on her arriving early. God knows just when she needs to come. We're anxious to meet her!

I would especially appreciate prayer that I persevere with joy these last weeks. I find myself discouraged and quite irritable a lot. I'm also anxious as to the timing of labor/delivery. We made it to the birthing center only 9 minutes before our last one was born... I'd like just a little more time than that, but I don't want to misjudge and be laboring long away from home.

Thank you to all who leave comments -- though I'm not very prompt at getting to them, it's nice to see who's checking in on us, and your words of encouragement are a blessing.

(thank you to Katy and Sarah for their help with taking pictures)

All the pictures from May to August
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